Retraction...

I always wanted to have a name for my babies the second I figured out if they were a boy or a girl. I was all in a dither the week before the ultrasound because we had our girl name picked out, but no boy name for sure yet, and getting Jason to talk about it was near impossible. We had a couple names we each liked, but only one we could agree on; therefore, the name would be the one we could agree on: Indy.

I absolutely adore this name. There are others who don't, and I am okay with that. But when we found out, and we started calling our little man Indy, something just wasn't sitting right.

So, unfortunately, I have to write a retraction. Our baby boy is now nameless while we try and figure out a name we are ecstatic about and know is the name for our boy.

My Little Boy...

The title says it all! Our little baby is in fact a boy and we couldn't be more thrilled! (Jason is ESPECIALLY excited the baby is a boy.)

While we were in there, before we find out he was indeed a he, the ultrasound tech showed us his legs and he was just kickin' back with his legs crossed at the ankles. The ultrasound tech commented that the baby was shy, but I know better...my baby is just stubborn. ;) She had to bounce my uterus up and down to get him to move...that was a tad uncomfortable, what with my bladder being fuller than full, but it was well worth it. When she pointed out those o so vital parts for boys to have, I just couldn't stop the tears. I love my little boy so much already, it's amazing.

We are undecided on a middle name, however, we have his first name picked out: Indiana, and we are going to call him "Indy."

So hello my little Indy! We are so excited to have you apart of our family. We love you so much already and are anxiously waiting for when we can hold you in our arms. Grow strong my little man.

O Goodness...

I thought I would be so on top of this blogging thing when I got pregnant...I just knew I would spend every day on here typing out every little detail of my pregnancy.

Ha. So wrong.

I found out that I get tired...a lot. Which you expect, but you don't really expect. Hence, my lack of posts.

Just to start off, me and the baby are doing great! Thanks to a friend who let me borrow a doppler machine that she had, I have been able to listen to my baby's fast woosh-woosh-woosh heartbeat a few times in the last week and a half. That is...well, there are just no words for how awesome it is (awesome totally doesn't cover it)! I have entered my second trimester, have quite a cute baby bump, and am anxiously awaiting all the wonderful things that accompany this trimester-- i.e. feeling my baby move inside of me (woah.), finding out if my baby is a boy or a girl, and giving my baby a name.

I read on one of those baby sites that women usually start feeling their baby move around week 16 (I am a little over 16 weeks), although first time moms don't always feel it that soon as they can mistake it for hunger pangs or gas. So, every time I get gas or feel any kind of anything down there I analyze it to see if it's my baby or not. Each analysis has ended up with me determining that it's just gas (or so I think). I am hoping when I feel it, I feel it, and I know.

As for whether I'm having a boy or a girl, I cannot say. I have no idea either way. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was pretty positive my baby was a girl. Then came my 12 week appointment which led to an ultrasound and I was sure my baby was a boy. Now I go back and forth and therefore, have no idea...and I have to wait till the end of April. I am so not patient enough for that, but I guess I have no other choice.

We would be able to find out the middle of April, but I will be in Montana during those weeks (insert huge exclamation of joy and glee here)! I am so excited to go home and see my family and show my bump off (not to mention eat some of that Taco John's I have been craving so insanely). This could be the only time we go home this year, unless we decide to make the trek home for Christmas with our brand new baby (that is still so unbelievable). I am excited to get a reprieve from the heat already setting in. I will be heading home a week earlier than J, and then he will be joining me for a week, so I get two, two, weeks at home.

My husband has been awesome during these past few months...putting up with my tiredness and lack of cleanliness as I found I have no energy to clean my house if I clean my self and vice versa. I just love him so much and know he loves me and the baby we have created together.

Overall, life is one big blessing over here. Yes, we have our trials, but knowing Heavenly Father's plan just makes life better, makes it easier to smile when things are hard and to feel at peace when the whole world seems to be falling apart all around you. I love the gospel and I am so grateful to know that my baby and my husband are sealed to me forever. I get to keep them forever, and that is such a precious truth to me.

I will try to post pictures later...we all know how awesome I am at that, but I have some cute bump pictures I want to share! Love you all!

My Birthday: Part 1

I got many awesome things for my 21st birthday this year (that will be part 2), but my favorite gift I got was this:



A positive pregnancy test.

I still look at this picture in amazement. After a year and a half of looking in similar windows on similar pregnancy tests and seeing only one line or "not pregnant," this picture throws me off a bit. I can't describe how excited I am...I really don't think there are words for it. It is surreal. There is a baby in my belly. I am growing my child. Wow. This whole experience is extremely special to me now especially because I have grown closer to my Savior and my Heavenly Father and have learned some important lessons.

I originally thought that Heavenly Father was trying to teach me patience, as patience is not a virtue I naturally possess. I would take a pregnancy test occasionally (OK...maybe more than occasionally...pretty sure pregnancy test stocks went up quite a bit due to my many purchases) and even before I would take the test, I would imagine the test being a negative. My motto has always been, "Hope for the worst and the best can always happen." I never had hope. I had faith that it would. I had been promised this. I knew I would have children one day. But I never had hope that that day would be this day. I never understood hope and the power of it.

Finally, after a little over a year, I finally started catching on. Yes, I am sure part of my lesson was patience (which I have to admit, I honestly don't think I learned much of), but I think the better part of what I was supposed to learn was hope. I started praying for it. I started praying for the hope I would need and for my Father's will do be done. He is 1,000,000 times (more than that) smarter than me and He knows what is best for me. Learning to rely on Him was something I needed help with. My attitude started to change and Heavenly Father blessed me with an understanding of His will and of hope and the important role it plays in our lives.

I had been taking Clomid (a fertility drug) for two months and so I knew my cycle was pretty regular. I had marked down the day that I was going to take my pregnancy test (my birthday) and was filled with hope that this would be it. But the day before my birthday, I was at the mall with my parents and my brother (who happened to visiting) and I thought I had started (it was barely anything, but any sight of that and my heart falls through the floor). I was sad, dejected, hopeless. But then, this little voice just whispered to me, "Have hope. Be hopeful." And I did. And it changed me. I didn't have any more signs the rest of the day and in the morning, I took that test.

I was in my bed with my hubs when I found out. What an amazing feeling of elation. I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at that test and started crying hysterically and showed J and he just held me while I cried those awesome tears of joy. I cry thinking about it.

Before my parents and my brother left my dad, brother, and husband gave me a blessing to bless me and to bless my baby. I am grateful to know that I can rely on the power of the priesthood and have faith in that blessing and know that me and my baby will be fine.

I have since been able to see my baby. I saw my baby's heart beat, I heard it. I don't know how anyone could know about the miracle of birth and not believe in God. I don't understand it.

I have been feeling really tired, and sick occasionally. Eating is very temperamental: I have to eat the right amount of the right thing at exactly the right time or else I get sick. But, I have nothing to complain about. Eating is temperamental because my body is telling me what and when to feed my child. I am tired because I am giving up my energy to grow my baby. I have thrown up, and even while I was throwing up, I was OK, because this was because there is a baby in me. I love being pregnant. And yes, I am still in the first trimester and everyone says, "Just wait till you are out to here and you are so uncomfortable you just want to get that baby out." I can honestly tell you I will still love being pregnant because I am pregnant. Yes, it's not all wonderful, I am aware of that (and am quite aware of that when I throw up), but I have waited for what felt like forever to be able to say I am pregnant and every pain and every sickness that comes my way makes me happy because it's a reminder that I have what I have waited a long time for: a baby.

Thank you all for all your support in what's been a bigger trial in my life. I am so grateful for friends and family who I know I can rely on. I will keep you posted as much as possible and would have uploaded my ultrasound but my scanner won't scan it correctly. :(

Here is a poem that I often think about when I think about the importance of hope. Maybe it will help someone else as it has helped me.

Walking with Two Sisters

By Larry Hiller

Faith walks before me,
Holding up her lamp
As I try not to stumble in the ink-dark hours before the dawn.
Her light illuminates
One step and then another.
Beside me, Hope, arm linked with mine, encourages and steadies.
Sometimes in the tedium,
Distracted by the pain,
My mind begins to wander, then my feet. I hesitate.
Unsure, I look to Hope.
Her hand takes mine.
The touch reminds me of another hand held out to me,
One pierced and scarred
Yet oh so tender
Lifting me and blessing me when I had fallen and despaired.
Remembering,
I move ahead
Buoyed up by Hope, who sees the end with perfect clarity.

Laundry: The Bane of My Existence

When asked what my least favorite chore is, I always respond laundry. I would gladly scrub toilets over doing laundry. Because it's my least favorite, I usually let the pile build, and build, and build...to the point where we run out of clothing to wear, especially underwear. I am horrible, but here is my reasoning:

Toilets, you can scrub and if you become quite proficient at it, you can get it done in no time. And then it's done--until the next time it will take you 10 minutes to clean it (if that--I'm being fairly generous with my time on that one). Laundry takes FOREVER. You sort it (if it isn't already, which is a likely event in my home), you put one load in (after sorting, I usually have about 5-6 loads), wait a little over a half hour, put it in the dryer, wait some more, then fold/hang it and put it away. Then, when you are done with it all, you realize that you can never, ever get it done because that very same night, there will be 4+ pieces of dirty laundry waiting for you again. It truly is a sick cycle.

I hate it now. I can't imagine how much I'm going to hate it when I have children. O boy.

In case you haven't guessed, this is what my job is today. Ugh.

Christmas Decorations!

(Not decoration, but it just shows how crazy my life has been.)

(I made these!)

Power Stilt Fun During Thanksgiving